You Broke My Horse.... But You Laughed At My Toe

Just down the hill from Granny and Paw's house was my home.  Like I said before, it was a simple home, but boy what stories I have from that place.  Some of my best friends were my "volcanic bees" and a well-known motorcycle "gang" (I'll call them the DD's).  Our home was right on the road with only a small dirt and gravel area for a front yard.  On the side of the road and placed deep in the ditch bank was our storm pit. It had dirt floors and leaked worse than the biggest crack in the Hoover Dam.  The seats inside were a mixture of wooden benches and the backseat of the family Volkswagen station wagon.  The seat wasn't needed in the car because it took up too much room when we went fishing (my family was always thinking ahead), and the roof was solid tin which was the perfect lighting rod.  Whether it was a heavy rain or the possibility of a tornado, you could bet your boots we were all crammed in that hole in the ground.  My Daddy was just your typical "redneck" who loved his beer, motorcycle, jukebox, stereo that was almost as tall as the room and the thought of being in the DD's club.  There was always somebody at our house and looking back, it was mostly for the free beer and a good time.  Mama had the house decorated nice and she could build a fire in our wood/coal heater that would turn the heater door bright red and we were sure it was going to burn the house down.  It got so hot in there we had to open the front door just to cool off the sauna she had created, but by golly we never got cold.  One night after the DD's left, Mama decided to do some decorating.  The jukebox was behind the front door, and let me tell you, it was a doozy.  It had flashing lights all across the bottom, and every tune anyone needed to get the party rockin'.  Mama had a straight-backed chair from the bar in the kitchen placed in front of the jukebox.  She girded up her loins and started the climbing expedition to hang that beautiful museum quality piece of art on the wall behind Daddy's treasured jukebox.  Just as she reached the top of her destination, it happened.  The chair went one way and Mama went the other.  The crash was the sound of a horrible car crash mixed with the sorrowful moaning of John Anderson singing "Just A Swinging".  Mama was screaming like a hyena that just found the leftovers of a lion's big kill.  As Mama was wailing, Daddy yelled "Damnit, you just broke the bottom out of my jukebox"!  Not wanting to be uncaring, daddy ran to Mama and pushed her out of the way to mourn the loss of the flashing lights in his treasure.  Mama said, "I've broke my big toe", and daddy's reply was "But you broke my jukebox"!  In a crazed frenzy, Mama jumped up and limped thru the house to find the ultimate treasure!  She had found Daddy's ceramic Clydesdale horse he had gotten free because he was such a loyal customer and had racked up enough points to get the horse for free.  She grabbed the horse like her had was covered in glue and threw it out the front door with more accuracy than Nolan Ryan in his prime.  When the horse hit the ground its leg flew across the yard, while its harness lay beside it in the red dirt.  Daddy ran outside to gather his horse and its pieces, while Mama stood holding her toe and fuming hotter than our heater.  Daddy walked in our house and said, "You broke my horse"!  Mama looked him straight in the eye and said, "You laughed at my toe, and I'll break the other leg off of that thing if you laugh at me again"!  So kids, if your Mama falls and breaks her toe, please tell your Daddy not to laugh.  If he does, he stands a chance of losing his Budweiser horse.....